The Celebrity Life
by the freak down the street
Summary: When a reporter asks Uchiha Sasuke a tricky question he's speechless. Now, the paparazzi is all over his supposed lover Haruno Sakura. Oh yeah, and they're both madly in love with each other. SasuSaku
1. Because of a Question

YOO! To all who have been here before, nice to see ya again, to others I repeat YOO! I am re-writing this, cuz the plot died somewhere in the fourth chapter :)

I would like to thank the wonderful CherryBlossomSavior, who pointed out what an idiot I am :)

Thanks :PP

And THERE HAS BEEN A **TITLE CHANGE! **This is Sasura or Sami, if you're wondering

I don't own Naruto!

Oh, and this is the re-written version. If you read both and didn't review tell meh whatcha think, homeskillets :D

Talking_  
Thoughts**  
Inner**_**  
Flashback  
**Emphasis

- _tcl -_

**The Celebrity Life  
**

_Chapter One_  
Because of a Question

-

Sasuke's eye twitched as his fat short publicist screamed at him like the fat, wifeless going-to-die-alone loser he was.

Sasuke's eyes roamed around the room, looking at everything but the man who was spitting in his face.

"Are you listening?!" he yelled.

Sasuke turned to glare at him.

Eww.

Nasty, fat, sagging, double chin.

"You know, I could fire you in an instant." Sasuke stated threateningly, swallowing back his baby barf.

"You wouldn't dare!" he shouted back, but Sasuke almost cackled when he saw the fear in his eyes.

"Wanna bet?" He asked coolly and the short man shut his mouth and scurried off, cursing him under his breath.

"Still an ass I see." Sasuke's head turned and he groaned "Hatake."

"At a last name basis, are we?" Kakashi's eye twinkled in amusement as he lowered his sacred book.

"Sorry, I meant Kakashi-sensei." Sasuke said sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kakashi grinned through the mask "that's better." He came up beside Sasuke and ruffled his perfect hair.

"What do you want?" Sasuke snapped, thoroughly annoyed.

Kakashi remained calm and strolled around back stage "that was quite a stunt you pulled, I mean. Seriously Sasuke."

**Sasuke stared boredly at the crowd "UCHIHA-SAN!" A reported shrieked at the top of her lungs.**

"**You, brown hair, blue jacket."**

"**F-First off I'm a b-big f-fan," she stuttered "And it's about the outfits used in…"**

"**I got this Sasuke-kun." Ami smiled at the crowd "since the movie is supposed to appeal to a diverse…" Sasuke drowned her out.**

"**Sasuke-kun," Ami slapped his shoulder and he shot her a glare, which she was quite used to now "More questions!"**

**Sasuke noticed a quiet (evil, evil, eviiiil!) looking reporter at the front and pointed at her "you."**

**She stood up "A question on your personal life, Uchiha-san."**

"**Shoot." Sasuke replied boredly.**

"**Do you love your fiancée?"**

**Sasuke raised an eyebrow "of course, me and Karin are extremely happy."**

"**Really?" she sounded surprised "because I've heard that you're in love with a certain Haruno Sakura."**

**Ami's jaw dropped and Sasuke's jaw tensed.**

"**What do you say to that, Uchiha-san?" she asked innocently.**

**Sasuke jumped slightly when his phone rang, he glanced at the caller ID.**

**Ami Watanabe.**

**He shot her a sideways, noting her cellphone was in her lap. She smiled slightly and he made a mental note to say thank you (apparently, common courtesy helps the image)**

"**Hello?" he answered as if he was actually talking to someone.**

"**Yeah, I'll be right there…" he stood up and the crowd stared up at him.**

**He shook his cellphone "I'll be continuing this alone." Ami said to the crowd.**

**Sasuke walked back stage.**

Sasuke groaned at the reminder "So, still in love with Sakura-chan? She was always a cutie, but never as hot as Ino…"

"You do realize those were your students."

"Yeah, but they're all grown ups now, so I have the right to check them out."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Once a pervert, always a pervert.

-

Sasuke was pissed.

Pissed that running someone over was against the law.

And pissed that the reporters wouldn't leave him alone.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH SAKURA-CHAN!"

…But more pissed about the first one.

"For the last time dobe, I didn't want to bring Sakura into it, so I didn't answer."

"OR BECAUSE YOU LOOOOOVE HER!"

"Shut up!" Sasuke growled, ready to pummel the hyperactive blonde into dust.

It made no difference to him.

"SERIOUSLY TEME?! SAKURA-CHAN?! THE GIRL WHO WAS OBSESSED WITH YOU FOR LIKE FIVE YEARS?! YOU LOVE HER?!"

"Damnit Naruto, put the bullhorn down!"

Naruto frowned and dropped it to his lap "man, you're a spoil-sport."

-

"So, you do love Sakura?" Naruto asked.

"No, yes. Argh, stop fucking asking!" Sasuke shouted.

"Then give me a straight answer!"

"FINE! I AM IN FUCKING LOVE WITH HARUNO SAKURA!" He admitted.

Naruto's eyes were wide "SERIOUSLY?!"

-

Sakura's eyes nearly popped out and the patient screamed "Ahh! Gomen!" she shouted pulling the needle out and dabbing the bleeding wound, her attention off the TV.

"Can I have a lollipop?" he asked hopefully, staring at her with big puppy dog eyes.

Sakura rolled her eyes "You're diabetic." She said, swatting his hand from her lollipop filled pockets with her clipboard.

His face fell "so?!" he said defiantly, reaching for a cherry sucker.

She patted his head and kissed his forehead "better?"

His face was red "Much."

She smiled satisfied walking out the room, the news she just heard and saw with her own eyes pushed to the back of her mind.

"HARUNO! _THE _UCHIHA SASUKE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU?!"

Sakura cringed and backed away from her colleague in fear.

And back at the front of her mind, again.

"N-No…"

"YOU STOLE HIM FROM KARIN?! THAT'S SO UNCOOL!" she crossed her arms over her chest and Sakura looked around the hospital for a quick escape.

"Let me explain and quiet down! Some patients are sleeping!" she said in a desperate attempt to calm her down.

"I can't believe you would do su-" Sakura turned on her heels and raced towards her office, slamming the door shut.

"HARUNO! HARUNO! HARUUUUNO!"

"Sasuke-kun, what the hell have you gotten me into…?" she murmured to herself.

"ARE YOU ON THE PHONE WITH HIM?!"

Damn those with super sonic hearing.

-

"Really."

"Really, really?"

"Really, really."

"Really, really, REALLY?"

"Really, real- what the fuck am I doing?!" Sasuke slapped the back of Naruto's head and his face flew smack into the hot ramen.

"AHHH! HOT, HOT, DAAAMN!" Tears flowed down his cheeks as he raced to the sink, knocking down six or seven things on his way there "IT BUUURNS!" he rinsed his eyes and wiped his face with the front of his shirt "who knew ramen had a dark side?" he asked, with this "unfound wisdom" in his voice.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. _Dumbfuck._

"So, Sasuke. Ya gonna tell that egotistic redhead or should I?"

"First off, how do you know a word like egotistic? That's eighth grade vocabulary."

"Well," Naruto brushed imaginary dust off his shoulders "words like that are-" Naruto narrowed his eyes "HEY, WAIT A SECOND!" he jabbed his finger into Sasuke's face "YOU WERE INSULTING ME!"

Sasuke shook his head, "Really, dumbass?" he said sarcastically.

"And you're trying to change the subject!" Sasuke cursed under his breath "so, are you going to tell the dumb bitch, or do you want me to?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow "why the hell would I break off my engagement with her?"

"Because of Sakura-chan, I mean DUUUH!" He answered loudly.

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's bowl of ramen and began slurping it up, a sad distant look in his eyes "Dobe, we're 24 now. It's been 6 years since we finished high school, you still think Sakura's in love with me? Hell, she was just crushing. There's no hope." He answered, dejectedly.

His eyes nearly popped out when Naruto ripped off his shirt, revealing tight green spandex "YOSH! NEVER GIVE UP TEME! YOU'LL NEVER SUCCEED IF YOU DON'T TRY!"

Naruto ripped off his jeans and Sasuke let out a shrill scream.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR BOXERS?!"

He ran up to his room, Naruto and his… friend chasing after him.

-

After a good 15 minutes locked in his room in the fetal position Sasuke walked out as emotionless and stoic as ever.

Sasuke looked out the window and groaned loudly when he saw an all too familiar purple Ferrari.

"MOVE! OUT OF THE WAY!" A loud feminine voice screeched. He sweat-dropped when he saw paparazzi flying in different directions.

He heard his front door unlock.

Damn, why did he give her a house key! _Why!_

He heard it slam shut and the clicks of Gucci heels made themselves into the living room.

"SASUKE-KUN, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND?!"

Why the hell was he friends with so many blondes?!

"Hi Ino…" he grumbled.

"HEY INO!"

"Shuttup Uzumaki! Now are you seriously in love with MY Sakura-chan?!" Ino grabbed the front of Sasuke's shirt and shook him madly.

He shoved her away and she fell on her butt. Naruto's eyes widened and she closed her legs "STOP LOOKING DOWN MY SKIRT!" she shrieked.

Naruto's face heated up "I WASN'T LOOKING, I'M MARRIED!"

"Ooh, good point! I'M TELLING HINATA!"

"Wait?! What!" Sasuke rubbed his temples as Blonde and Blonder argued (guess who's who? :P)

"Both of you, shut the _fuck _up." Sasuke growled, feeling a headache coming on.

Ino's mouth shut for a second before she started talking again "Just answer me why you didn't friggin' go out with Sakura-chan in high school and now are all suddenly 'oh! I'm in love with Sakura!' God, Sasuke!" she yelled right in his face.

"How do you know I love her, maybe I just didn't wanna kill her self-esteem on TV and totally embarrass her!"

Ino laughed loudly "LIAR! You totally love her! Just admit it Uchiha, I've known you since the diaper days." She grinned at him "so please Uchiha. I just wish you had told her back in seventh grade."

Sasuke's face heated up "w-what?!"

"Pul-eez!" Ino smirked at him and stretched "so, should I call her up so you can admit your freaky obsessive love?"

"It's not freaky and obsessive!"

"Aha!" Ino poked his chest "I knew it!" she said victoriously "I," _poke_ "knew," _poke_ "it!" she grinned.

He frowned.

He wasn't just outsmarted by Yamanaka Ino…

Was he?

(_'Cuz that's extremely sad_)

-

Sakura peeked into the hallway, adjusting her Armani sunglasses and tying the scarf a bit tighter over her pink hair.

She took a step out of her office and froze, cringing.

Damn, the cute noisy heels of the world.

So much for sneaking out.

Sakura raced for the elevator.

"THERE'S SAKURA!" Sakura cursed when her heel broke "these cost a damn fortune!" she hissed under her breath managing to get in the elevator.

"GET BACK!" Sakura swung her purse at all her co-workers and they jumped away, out of the elevator.

She sighed in relief leaning against the railing, staring absentmindedly at her reflection in the shiny elevator.

_He didn't say he loved me, he just shut up. What the hell is everyone's problem…?_

The elevator dinged and Sakura jumped out of her thoughts as the elevator door opened, and looked out cautiously.

She let out another sigh of relief when she noted only the secretary was in the lobby and walked to the exit.

The door automatically opened and Sakura blinked and her jaw dropped

The minute she opened her eyes paparazzi was in every which way.

"Holy shit…" she gaped covering her face with her hands racing towards her slick back Mercedes, tripping several times on the way there.

She jumped into her car and cursed when she realized she was in the backseat, and thanked God that she'd bought tinted windows when the paparazzi was all over her car.

She crawled to the front seat, suddenly wishing she had a bigger car as she managed to get in the driver's seat _Damn_! She stuck the keys in the engine and revved the engine _now I know how Britney Spears feels! _

_- t c l -_

Yeah, yeah. I changed it up a bit (: (a load lot, I switched Karin to the betchfaced-whore)

Bad, good?

Let me know (:

**REVIEWW ! (suggestions welcome !)**

and if you liked the direction it was going in before, let me know, and I'll keep it a smidge closer to that.

_Edited – may 22 /09_


	2. Hollywood Gossip : The Symptoms

Yo homeskillets, what's happenin', yo! (yeah, cuz I'm just that gangster :D)

Wellllll this is chapterrrrrrr… (guess!)

Well if you guess 2, good job, if not… I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS!

I don't own Naruto. Surprised? So am I.

Talking_  
Thoughts**  
Inner**_**  
Flashback**  
Emphasis

_-t c l-_

**The Celebrity Life  
**

_Chapter Two_  
Hollywood Gossip : The Symptoms

-

"And reporters got picture of Haruno Sakura robbing a hospital tod-"

"I WORK THERE!" Sakura shrieked angrily.

"-ay. She assaulted some of the employees with her drug filled purse an-"

"THEY WORK FOR ME! AND THEY ASSAULTED ME FIRST! IT WAS SELF DEFENSE! … AND MY PURSE WAS DRUGLESS"

"-d it is believed that she was high at th-"

"WHAT THE FLIPPING HECK?!

"-e time. An anonymous source has more information on Haruno Sakura. There will be more at 11, now back to you Naomi with Watanabe-san's apparent lipo!" the fake looking blonde on the TV smiled a way-too-bright smile.

"This is crap on a stick!" Sakura yelled furiously, throwing the remote at the TV "I can't believe all this is happening to me!" she wailed slapping her forehead "Kami-sama, what the heck did I ever do—I even said HECK!"

Chouji patted her back "I'm sorry for you Sakura-chan, more cheesecake?" he held a cake out to her and she smiled gratefully nodding as he gave her a fat, delicious lookin' piece of chocolate cheesecake

"Chou-chan, this is so uncool! I don't deserve this!"

"The cheesecake?" He asked confused.

"No! I'm talking about all this shit!" she pointed to the TV, which was currently showing a male enhancement commercial.

"Well, Sakura-chan, you kinda are in love with Sasuke-san." He said cutting himself a slice.

"Well, um… NU-UH!" she dropped her head in her cheesecake, her way of dropping the topic.

"Sakura-chan, there's really no advice I can give you. I mean, I'm not good at this kind of talk… but if you want to talk about food…" he said uncomfortably remembering "the good old days" when Tenten, Ino and Sakura would sit around him and drool about different guys.

"I think I'll call Hina-chan up then," she lifted her head up and a big chunk of chocolate fell off her forehead, splatting onto his clean kitchen counter, but he didn't seem to mind.

"You might want to clean up, Sakura-chan. You look really bad, you're just giving the press more to blab about." He kindly held out a blue kitchen towel.

Sakura sighed and grabbed the kitchen towel "Good point. Oh, and by the way, could you cancel my dinner reservations at your restaurant. I doubt I'll even be out in public for the next few weeks."

Chouji laughed "Sure, and you don't even have to make reservations. You're welcome at the ButterFly whenever." He assured her, walking next to her towards the front door.

Sakura grinned as both walked into the foyer "you're too sweet Chou-chan! I'll call you when I get home."

"Okay Sakura-chan." Chouji waved goodbye to the pinkette as she slipped into her broken heels and walked out the door.

_-ily-_

"Pick uuuuuup Hina-chan." Sakura was in her favourite pair of slippers and eating a cracker, smothered in cream cheese, she had just called Chouji and told him she'd gotten home without being attacked my cameras, and _really_ needed girl advice.

"Hello?" A tired voice said.

"Hina-chan! Ohmygod! Did you hear what happened?! Sasuke-kun did such a dorky thing!"

"Sakura-chan?" Hinata questioned, yawning loudly.

"Hai Hina-chan?" Sakura

"I really can't talk right now. I'm so tired."

Sakura frowned. "Okay." She mumbled dejectedly. Ever since she'd taken over the company a few months ago she'd been wiped out and they hadn't hung out. _At all._

Hinata sensed the sadness in Sakura's voice "how about, we um, meet up and uh, I come over to your house over the weekend? Naruto-kun can take care of Hitomi-chan." Hinata hoped that would cheer up her depressed friend.

Sakura smiled at the thought of the 2 year old.

"Okay! Naruto-baka needs to spend some quality time with his adorable daughter!"

Hinata smiled happily "okay." She pursed her lips together, holding in another yawn "I'll see you then, okay?"

"Hai Hina-chan! Send Auntie Saka's love to Hitomi-chan!" Sakura said cheerfully.

Hinata didn't cover her yawn this time "Alright. Later Sakura."

"Bye Hina." She waited for the even beeping meaning that the bluette had hung up before finally hanging up.

Sakura sighed tossing the phone on a different couch and glanced at her TV, curled up on the loveseat.

She reached over and grabbed her wine glass, sipping it, swishing the liquid in her mouth before swallowing.

She took another sip. She'd had red wine once, when she was 11. Her mom had let her have some and Sakura had been totally disgusted with the taste. Apparently, taste changes because now red wine was her unwind. Especially with a bubble bath. It relieved all her stress within minutes.

She picked up another cracker smearing with cream cheese and stuffing it in her mouth.

"Yum…" she mumbled, reaching for her wine again, snatching the remote off the side table as well, switching it on.

"Spongebob!" she cheered, cracker bits flying out of her mouth.

She burst out into laughter "PATRICK!" she yelled at the TV, like an insane hyena.

Her nose wrinkled up "Mr. Krabbs…" he came on screen, "cheap bastard." She muttered.

"Ugh! Squidward!" she sipped her wine again.

_These situations are irrelevant now, she loves th-_

"Yello?" Sakura singsonged, sticking her tongue out at Squidward.

"Yo PinkFlower!" Sakura giggled at the nickname and twirled her hair subconsciously around her finger.

Sakura grinned "Hey Dogboy."

"I saw the thing with Uchiha. Ugh, pap all over you yet?" he asked.

Sakura groaned "have you not watch the news? I'm a hospital robbing drug-addict!"

"Ouch. That bad?" he said sympathetically.

"Yea—ugh, his laugh is so ugly!" Sakura wrinkled her nose.

"Who? Uchiha?"

"Nah, he has a hot laugh I was talking about Squidward."

"Uchiha has a hot laugh?" Sakura could almost see his left eyebrow rising "N-No!" she snapped as she pictured Kiba snickering, and realized she would be mocked for _years_ to come because of that _one_ comment.

Kiba laughed "Yeah, whatev Haruno. So, which episode?"

"The Krabby Patties one. You know 'POOP' and shit." She laughed "Poop and shit?" she continued to laugh.

"I love your sense of humor." He said dryly, rolling his eyes on the other line "but that's not why I called. Are you okay with the 'Silent Confession' thing."

"Ugh, you did watch it. Channel 3?"

"Nah, saw it on Channel 52." He corrected her.

"They're calling it a 'Silent Confession'?! UGH! I hate the friggin' entertainment business!" she said shrilly, imagining herself clawing out the blonde chick's eyes out (the one she saw on TV, at Chouji's house)

"At least you know why Ino's always cussing them out." Kiba said, trying to lessen her new hate for all things related to the entertainment business.

"Ino!" Sakura gasped "I should talk to her about this! I mean, those jerky freaks are always all over her!"

"Yeah, really true. Well, I'll talk to you later then." Sakura giggled when she heard Akamaru bark in the background

"Yep, yep. Love you DogBoy! Say 'hi' to Aka for me! TTFN!"

"TTFN?"

Sakura giggled again. "Ta Ta For Now! Derr!"

"Later. And spend less time in chatrooms, iight?"

"Yeah, yeah. Love you lots!"

"Love ya too PinkFlower."

Sakura hung up and grabbed her home phone dialing Ino.

(She had unlimited text, not unlimited calling)

_-ily-_

"I don't love Haruno Sakura." Sasuke, crossed his arms ever-so childishly.

"Don't lie Sasuke-kun." Ino snarled. "I know you love her! I read your diary!"

"I don't have a diary!" He felt his face heat up. He was a man. Men do not keep diaries.

"Why are you so in denial?! And stop blushing! Any man who can record his emotions is totally smexilicious!" she patted his shoulder.

_Where's Naruto when you need him?!_ Both thought. Ino, because she wanted to pester Sasuke on his undying and unrequited love and Sasuke wanted help to fend off the screaming banshee-like blonde.

(Too bad for both of them, his wife had called and demanded that he spend some time with his daughter on Saturday.

"But Hinata-chaaaaaan! There's a gaaaaaame!"

"No buts! SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOUR DAUGHTER, UZUMAKI NARUTO!" )

"I don't love her!" he repeated, very persistent to make her believe that he didn't "She's a friend! FRIEND! Why won't that sink into your overly hairsprayed head?!"

"Overly hairsprayed?" she raised an eyebrow, glancing at her well-manicured nails and running a hand through her hair "this volume is natural. I'm naturally _this fucking _hot."

"Shut up." He snarled, annoyed with her Ino-ness.

Ino was about to make another snide remark but instead jumped when she felt her cell phone vibrating "gimme a sec, Uchiha."

"Hello?" she answered. "Hey Pig!"

An evil smile made itself on her flawless face "Hey, you!" she sang "What's up, darling?"

"Are you drunk or something?" Sakura asked, twirling a strand of her hair, _ugh. I have the worst split ends!_

"Nah, 'course not! Say, you call about the thing?" Ino asked, hoping Sakura would know what "_the thing_" she was talking about.

"The thing…? As in my ass being ruined, cause Sasuke-kun found the perfect time to _finally_ shut the fuck up?" she asked, her voice smothered in over-sugariness.

"Yeah, I heard. Ugh, must suck. You wanna talk to the-one-who-did-this-to-you?" she whispered into the phone.

Cracker bits flew out of her mouth. "Y-YOU'RE WITH HIM?!" She shrieked.

"Derr, For…sure!"

Sakura frowned "you know, Yamanaka you're a real freakster!"

The extremely hot blonde grinned, pulling the phone away from her ear and handing it to the Uchiha, while Sakura continued to blab constantly, unaware of what was going on on the other line "Sasuke-kun, my friend wants to talk to you. She's such a big fan!"

Sasuke frowned "do I have toooo?!" he whined, not a fan of talking to obsessive girls (much like his deadweight, moronic, waste of skin fiancée)

"Duh. Here." She thrust the cell phone into his hands and put it to his ear.

"And of course, you remember that Pig, right?"

Sasuke's mouth went dry and his palms felt sweaty when she continued to blab gibberish, still thinking that she was talking to Ino.

The dryness continued down his throat and he needed a glass of water, or the entire ocean and it felt like he was suffocating. His chest felt constricted and he couldn't make out a single word. Then, his heart beat increased, it was going so fast he thought it might explode.

Greaaat. So he was suffocating to death and having a heart attack.

"Pig! Answer me!" she whined, cutely, making blood rush to his face.

Oh, and his insides were on fire.

"I uh…" he managed to choke out before Ino snatched the phone back, much to his dismay and relief.

"I gotta go Sakura-chan." Ino paused "and I totally ignored your rant, but I love you!" she assured, hanging up.

"Let's see…" Ino smirked and thumped his head "heating up," ripped Sasuke's mouth open, sticking her finger on his tongue "dry mouth," she yanked it out and put her head against his chest "and insanely fast, heartbeat."

"Either you ran a marathon in a blink of an eye, or you LOOOOOOVE her!" she sang. He looked like he was about to deny it again, so Ino cut in.

"And if you happen to not love her, let me go bald this instance!"

Sasuke frowned.

_Damn._

She wasn't going bald anytime soon.

_-ily-_

some of the stuff that you hear from Hollywood and all that crap is like fucking insane. Seriously. So I put that in a bit (:

Los Angeles IS IN-FREAKIN'-SANE. Seriously. As crazy as I am, I don't think I could survive there. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. It's _**CRAZYY.**_

And the she-isn't-going-bald part. Yeah, that means she's right and Sasuke-kun loves Sakura-chan! (grin) And Sasuke admits it, but not out loud. But, at least he admits it to himself. THAT'S THE FIRST STEP.

And I'm 99.9999 percent sure that 'Hitomi' means Pretty Eyes, or something along those lines :S Correct me if I'm wrong, please :)

And this was a bit of a filler chapter, I guess… I couldn't really just go into it, (my fucked up mind is hard to explain :D)

So… yeah.

**REVIEW**_ please _and thank you :)

_Edited may 22 /09_


	3. Scheming and Irrational Jealousy

Thanks for the reviews.

Read on, soldiers. :P

And, I haven't updated in like 8 months, goddamn, I'm a **_BITCH!_** Sorry!

And I **DON'T** own _Na__**ru**_**to.**

Talking_  
Thoughts**  
Inner**_  
**Flashback  
**Emphasis

_- t c l -_

**The Celebrity Life  
**

_Chapter Three_  
Scheming and Irrational Jealousy

-

Sakura sighed loudly. Yamanaka Ino was so weird! Sakura smiled, remembering it was that very weirdness, that made Ino her best friend. She sighed, pressing the 'OFF' key with her thumb, only to have it ringing again right away.

"Yello, Haruno-chan here!" she singsonged, blushing when she heard what she had just called herself. _Haruno-chan?! What the hell!_

"Hey. It's m-"

"BUNNY-CHAN!"

Sakura could see the brunette cringing at the sound of the nickname and the grin on her face got bigger. Oh, Haruno-chan was one thing… but _Bunny-chan_? Oh, Sakura was the queen of nicknames.

"Yeah, me. Anyways. I saw the thing on the news. You alright?" Tenten asked, worried about her pink-haired friend.

"Yeah, BunBun."

Again, her eye-twitching, vein-popping face was envisioned in her head, and suddenly instead of worrying, Tenten wanted to be _wringing_ (Sakura's neck).

"It's kinda crazy. I mean, Sasuke-kun just shut up, ya know what I mean?" Sakura said, clueless. "And he always says something. He's a hotheaded, stupid…" Sakura continued to say what she had said to Ino a few minutes ago.

"Um, yeah." Tenten thought it was obvious. It seemed like the Uchiha was head over heels for the pinkette,

"Did you even think that maybe Uchiha was in love with you?" Tenten said casually, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she stirred the rice she was cooking.

Tenten listened to the silence, waiting for what she knew, was going to be a hysterical reaction.

"BAHAHAHAHAA!" Sakura laughed "like that would ever happen!" she said cheerfully, hiding the pang that hit her in the chest, and instead gulping more of her wine.

"Aww, Sakura." Tenten knew it hurt her "any guy would be crazy not to love you!"

"L-Like Neji?" she asked, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, happy that she hadn't cried when her hand was dry.

"Ye—wait! Who does Neji love?!" Tenten made no attempt to hide her jealousy, but Sakura knew she'd deny it later.

Sakura laughed "oh, I dunno… a certain brunette that works at KRF…"

"Naomi?! The slut! She always wears itsy bitsy spandex and the whore…!" Sakura cringed at the string of curses that followed, and 30 seconds into her rant, she interrupted.

"TENTEN!" Sakura shouted "I was talking about you, you jealous bitch!" Sakura giggled as Tenten fell silent. Sakura relished in it. Tenten always said

Tenten stammered "oh… h-he doesn't love me!" and she added at the end "and I wasn't jealous, you stupidhead."

"Yeah, yeah. A river in Egypt." Sakura sang, ready to jump around dancing, but deciding not to since she was on the phone and not really with the brunette.

Tenten narrowed her eyes "and you're drowning in it." She retorted.

Sakura frowned "I'm not! He's _freakin'_ engaged you… you…" she tried thinking of an insult "MEANIE HEAD!"

Oh, Sakura was never good with insults.

There was total silence for a good 30 seconds before Tenten spoke.

"We're pathetic…"

Sakura frowned and started wailing "I KNOOOW! WE NEED LIVES."

"Hey Sak?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you in your pink pajamas and eating crackers with cream cheese?"

"What? Are you stalking me?" she asked jokingly.

"No, but your on TV right now, and you have some cake in your hair."

"WHAAAT?!"

Sakura's eyes turned to her window "WHAT THE HELL?!" she screeched, running towards it when she saw the camera guy. She shut the curtains, _HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET TO THE SEVENTEENTH FLOOR?!_,and turned on the TV, to see a re-run of her laughing like an idiot.

"-AHAHAA" slight pause "like that would ever happen!"

"MY LIFE IS OVER!" she cried dramatically.

"And this just in: Is Uchiha Sasuke's no-longer-secret lover about to commit suicide?!"

Sakura groaned, smacking her head against the wall once. When that didn't knock her out, she did it again. And when her head started throbbing she _really_ hated life.

_This SUCKS._

_-tcl- _

"I was riiiight! Sasuke looooves her! I was riiight! Sasue looooves her!" Ino was skipping around Sasuke's room, quite happily singing that.

Sasuke was sitting on his couch, resisting the urge to strangle the blonde with her long luscious, sexy…

_Damn_.

Her hair was _hot._

He rubbed his temples angrily "Yamanaka, can you honestly _shut up!_" he demanded.

"Ooh." Ino shook in fake fear "He called me by my last name!" she rolled her eyes "Sasuke-kun, you're _real_ mad, aren'tcha!" she sat down next to him grinning wildly, gulping in her fear when he shot her his death glare of _doom_.

"Just, I wanna know why saying _I love you_ to her, to _anyone_ is so impossibly hard for you?" she asked softly, touching his shoulder.

"I wouldn't expect you to get it, Ino." He said coldly and she narrowed her eyes "Sasuke can you stop being a _prick_!" she retorted "I get that you had a bad childhood, but you're not the only one!"

He let out a breath and she patted his shoulder "sorry." She said quietly "but seriously, Sasuke, Sakura loved your emo guts from the time we were twelve. And, yeah. She was obsessive." Ino laughed "yeah, she was a bit of a psycho. But, you should've given it a chance way back then." She scolded him. "Then, I wouldn't be here and you two would be up in your ro-"

"OKAY." Sasuke's face turned a light red ('cause _real_ men don't turn pink) and he rolled his eyes to hid his blush "yeah, I know. I was stupid and busy slitting my wrists." He said dryly and she laughed.

"Well, you're one lucky fella!" Ino grinned at him.

He turned to her and raised an eyebrow "and how's that? I'm in love with a girl I haven't seen in about 5 years, I was a _fucking_ jerk to her while she constantly asked me out! And, the entire time that was happening, I was in love with her. Her smile, and her eyes…" Sasuke groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"_Well_!" Ino clapped her hands together "you are _one lucky fella_, 'cuz, one," Ino flipped her hair "I can give you hair tips," Sasuke scowled. His hair was perfectly luscious and sexy "and!" she grinned widely "I'm going to give you another chance with my Haruno Sakura."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and she sighed loudly "I don't like your girlfriend." She said slowly "and since you love Sakura-chan, and she _loved_," Sasuke winced, and Ino hid her smirk. She loved Sasuke, he was one of her best friend, but he broke Sakura's heart over and over again for _years_ and _years_, so yeah, she was gonne make him pay (but just a bit), "you… I'm sure the _lost_ spark will come back. You know, like revving an old engine… but then again…" Ino had a plan forming in her mind. She cackled inwardly.

She would definitely have to bring Naruto into this. This plan…

It was _AWESOME._

_Where'd that idiot go anyways?! Last he was on the phone with Hina… and… oh yeah. He's whipped. Nevermind, problem solved…_

"Then again?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back on the couch.

"I was _going_ to tell you, but you're kind of insane and obsessively in love with Saku, so…"

"_Tell me_." He growled.

Ino sighed and took his hands, looking straight into his eyes "Sasuke-chan…" she took a deep breath "Sakura might still be in love with her last boyfriend."

Ino watched Sasuke freeze up. His face paled to a terrifying and ghostly white, and he clenched his fists, but loosened them right away, his face relaxed again and of course that sad, distant look. "She's not mine anymore." He said sadly.

Ino's mouth turned downwards. He was _supposed_ to freak out. Uchihas aren't reasonable! It's not in the Uchiha nature! They're selfish and always get what they want! _He's ruining the plan! Stupid Uchiha!_

Her frown turned into a neutral look and she barely hid her smile and crazy cackle.

(Who says blondes are stupid?)

"Yeah," Ino applauded herself for her acting "she loved him a lot." She waited for a reaction, and almost pulled her hair out in frustration.

_I have to kick it up a knoootch!_

"And then, Sakura was such a dork!" he raised an eyebrow and she continued, _hook_ "She always talked about how good in bed he was!" _Line…_

Sasuke SNAPPED.

_And sinker!_

Like a rubber band stretched too far, his face fumed a dark red and he asked in a low voice, and she shuddered at his tone "what?"

Ino shrugged "they slept together."

"He saw her naked?" Ino was a cackling witch on the inside "and once she borrowed my nurses' outfit… and yeah she's a doctor, but you know what I'm talkin' about!"

_Wow, dark and scary Sasuke is hot!_

"Yamanaka Ino…" Sasuke took a deep breath. Then another. And another. "What the _fuck_ is this guy's name…" he growled, making Ino shiver. _Dark and scary Sasuke is also insanely scary and terrifying and makes me wanna cry._

"I um…" Ino bit her lip, good actor she was, quick thinker she wasn't. "I can't tell you, Sasuke." She said solemnly, shaking her head "I know you too well. I can't let you kill him… especially since he still holds a place in her heart." _I think I heard that in a movie…_

"Obviously you don't understand, Ino…" he stood up and Ino gulped. She was 5'10, and even though he was only 4 inches taller than her… he was a _BEAST_. "Sakura is allowed to _date_ other guys… but _NONE_" he emphasized "are allowed to see her naked." He backed her up against a wall and Ino felt like she was gonna piss her pants. "Only _I_ can see her naked."

"Do you know _why_, Ino?" he stared at her and she shook her head and gulped, "because Haruno Sakura is _mine_." He finished, missing Ino smirk.

_Phase One, COMPLETE._

"So, what's his name?" Sasuke asked again making Ino cuss herself out. _Crap! I need a guy… a guy so perfect… better than Sasuke! Hotter than Sasuke! More successful then Sasuke. Hotter than Sasuke… wait I said that… WAIT. I know! There's only TWO guys better than Sasuke, and one's obsessed with Tenten so…_

"I don't think you wanna know, Sasuke-chan." She sang, grinning widely, "because, he's twice as cool as you, five times _hotter_ than you, ten times more successful than you…" Ino continued talking about him and Sasuke grew angrier by the second.

_-tcl-_

"Ino's got a psycho plan to get us together." Sakura rolled her eyes "I have a feeling it's not gonna work." Sakura had the phone on speaker and was wearing a green avocado mask.

"C'mon, Sakura-chan! You gotta be POSITIVE!" Naruto grinned on the other line, making funny faces at his daughter who laughed and clapped her hands together, making Naruto smile. "I mean, c'mon. I'm sure her plan is decent!"

Sakura shook her head and laughed "she wants me to pretend to go ou-"

"-go out with someone twice as cool as him and make you jealous? INGENIUS!" Sakura snorted to cover her laughter. Naruto and Ino could be brother and sister. Both were blonde, hot, obnoxious and loud. Oh, and dumb. _Very_ dumb. "Oh, but that's too bad."

"Huh?" Sakura hadn't been listening and instead been thinking about his tendency to be a moron. "I said that it's too bad her plan won't work."

She raised an eyebrow, poking her mask to check if it had hardened yet. _Still wet and icky!_ "And why's that, Uzumaki?" she asked, wiping her finger on her nightgown.

"Well, 'cause I'm not available! I'm married! Remember!" Sakura couldn't tell if he was joking, but she assumed he wasn't and that only made her laugh harder. "Y-Yeah," she breathed, making no attempt to cover her laughter "I g-guess that's too b-bad." She gasped when she caught her breath.

"So, I'm gonna let you go, Naruto." She cursed inwardly, damning her eyes for watering whenever she laughed too hard, 'cause it ruined her avocado mask (and this shit isn't cheap!) "Talk to you later."

"Yeah," Naruto yawned loudly "say bye to Auntie Sakura, Hitomi-chan!"

Sakura waited patiently, smiling softly when she heard the baby's voice "bye Saka." Hitomi giggled right after and Sakura laughed "Hitomi, come back!" Naruto groaned "bye Sakura-chan."

"Later."

Sakura laughed when she heard Naruto wailing "HITOMI-CHAN, COME BACK!"

She rolled her eyes when she heard his phone clatter to the ground and him holler after his daughter again.

She sighed, walking into her bedroom and leaning down to push the 'OFF' button on the speaker button of the phone by her bedside. She touched her cheek again and found that the mask was _still_ wet and groaned, deciding to watch TV.

She flipped it on and sighed in relief when she saw that her face wasn't a cover story. She flipped through the channels and settled for a movie. "I _looooove_ this movie!" she said to herself, grinning widely as James Marsden made his way on screen. "So hot…" she groaned, glancing at the digital clock that was conveniently under the TV.

_9:37. Hmm, it's not too late to order a pizza!_

She grabbed her phone again, taking a mental note to go to the gym when she decided to get a medium pizza with extra _everything_.

-_tcl-_

Ding-dong

Sakura was still staring at the TV as she got up to answer the door, already imagining herself devouring the pizza.

Ding-dong

Sakura felt a twitch as the doorbell rang again, after not even 15 seconds. She was at the door and it rang _again_.

She walked slowly to the kitchen, as if the impatient pizza boy could see her. She looked through the drawers and found enough money for the pizza.

Ding-dong

She made her way to the door and just as she was about to open it, it rang again, so she swung it open and was already screaming "GODDAMN, CAN'T YOU FREAKIN' WAIT? I WAS COMING YOU IMPATIENT ASS…" her voice drifted off and she blinked and looked into piercing red eyes and a familiar smirk.

"Sorry, I'm not very patient." He said in a voice just above a whisper, sending involuntary shivers up her spine and back down.

All Sakura could do was stare at his gorgeous face and stare at his looming 6'5 self…

"_Oh_, and you got a little something on your face."

And _die_ slowly.

-_ t c l -_

And anyone watch _Legally Blonde_?

Well, Tenten is kind of like Brooke Taylor. Well, not really. She just works at an exercise place. So um… nevermind?

So, _uuuuh, _I have no idea where I'm going with this, but I guarantee, IT WILL GO SOMEWHERE!

Like in Yes Man, where they randomly decided to go to Nebraska! Sort of like that.

And yeah. Review, _biatch_!


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